(For workplace issues OTHER THAN anxiety, stress or frustration, CLICK HERE.)
For issues of anxiety, stress or frustration in the workplace AND FOR ALL OTHER ISSUES THAT EFFECT YOUR LIFE, please read on.
Unlike psychoanalysis, what I do is based on simple logic and does not go back into the past or require me to make random assumptions or interpretations. Most often, my client eradicates what they don’t want and acquires what they do want through simply formulating answers to the topic focussed, NLP based questions I ask.
This works because:
In our subconscious we hold thousands of beliefs. Beliefs about how we should behave, what is important, how other people should behave, the motivations of other people, how society works, etc. We NEVER question these beliefs and are largely unaware of almost all of them. BUT, many of them are simply wrong. However they govern our behaviour and actions and are the source of our negative emotions like anxiety, stress, anger and depression.
In a session I NEVER suggest to a client that a belief they hold is wrong. First my questions expose to my client the belief causing problems. Then I ask questions about that belief and the client ends up deciding for themselves that the belief is wrong and they replace it with a more accurate belief which immediately changes their behaviour and emotions associated with that belief.
I will give you an example from my past when I received NLP help. I used to suffer with terrible social anxiety and an associated fear of public speaking. I will distill a session of two hours down to a few sentences.
Exposed to me was my belief that -‘…it was critical that everyone liked me.‘ My NLP practitioner continued.
‘What’s wrong with people not liking you?’
‘Um, it’s not very nice.’
‘Who decided it’s not very nice?’
‘Um, I did.’
‘And can you go through life having EVERYONE like you always; given some people’s weird values and judgement abilities?’
‘Hmmmmm, I guess not, no.’
‘So its an absolute inevitability that, whether you worry about people liking you or not, there will be some people who do not like you from time to time?’
‘That is the situation yes. I have never thought of it like that before.’
‘So what does it do, that’s good for you, to have a rule for yourself, that everyone MUST like you?’
‘It does nothing good at all!’
‘So how about instead of your old rule, accepting that some people will not like you from time to time and that’s OK. It’s their problem not yours.’
‘Yep, that sounds like simply accepting reality.’
As soon as I realised I did not have to have everyone like me, and a few more relevant invalid beliefs I held about myself were also eradicated by similar style questioning, my social anxiety literally disappeared. I realised I could simply myself. It may sound too good to be true and too simple, but the comments of past clients at the bottom of my website pages suggest it is that simple.
Another example issue with these subconsciously held beliefs, is that once they signal apparent ruin, many people stop thinking past the apparent ruin. A common example of this phenomenon is with clients who have a fear of public speaking. I will ask,
‘So if your presentation does not go well, what’s the worst thing that can happen?’ Often the answer is words to the effect of,
‘My boss will be very disappointed!’ I will then ask what is wrong with that? It immediately becomes apparent that my client has never thought beyond the boss’s disappointment. After a moment’s thought it becomes clear that the boss may suggest training or getting more feedback or other things, but its no big deal. The client having thought past the ‘ruin’ for the first time realises that the stakes are so much lower than before they thought past the ‘ruin’.
More about NLP
I use a mixture of NLP and also recent developments from the world of neuroscience. NLP, (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), was developed in the 1970s by the very detailed study of people who were successful in every context of their life:- work, family, money, health, etc. The study found that there were a number of very close similarities between these people in respect of their ‘frames of mind’, personality traits and what they believed about:
- how the world and society works,
- why people behave as they do,
- what they believed about themselves.
Further study regarding NLP established that anybody could easily emulate similar traits to the truly successful people and would then enjoy life, work and family more and become more successful. No negatives could be found for the small changes they made which had large beneficial consequences. In fact this is mostly about holding beliefs that most accurately reflect how the world is and how people are. Consequently NLP was born. A secondary facet of NLP was also developed early on, in learning how to utilise innate human behaviour triggers in others, to assist with persuasion, building rapport and creating gravitas.
The NLP approach I use is very similar to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) which you may have heard of. CBT is based on the principles that a person’s suboptimal behaviour stems from: faulty cognitions about others, our world and us, and, errors in logic when processing thoughts. However there is one big difference between my approach and the approach of most CBT practitioners. I have had many clients successfully dealt with who had previously been for CBT sessions which did not work.
So, NLP can be used:
- in a client session – to beneficially adjust suboptimal behaviour arising from the subject’s thinking,
- by a client – to assist in persuading others, building rapport with others or enhancing their gravitas.
As well as using NLP, I exploit the latest discoveries in the fields of bio-psychology and evolutionary developed innate traits, which make sense of why NLP works.
As I mentioned earlier, NLP, (and CBT), have nothing to do with psychoanalysis. NLP works in the present and there is no need to go backwards into a client’s past. The NLP practitioner does not need to make assumptions or interpret anything said by the client. NLP techniques could not be further from ‘re-birthing’, ink blot tests or whether the client was breast fed!
A typical NLP session takes around 2 hours.
Comments of past clients
I am very nearly 48 years old. Until 10 days ago, I suffered from a lifelong obsession that I had terminal cancer in one form or another. Over many years, I was treated unsuccessfully with drugs (librium, clomipramine and Seroxat/Prosac), psycho analysis, and behavioural and cognitive therapies. I think it must be hard for people who have not suffered from such an obsession to comprehend how debilitating it can be. Fear, anxiety and depression blighted my life to a greater or lesser extent, and my very best efforts to rationalise and deal with my destructive subconscious mind always failed. Few people were aware of my problem as it was embarrassing to me and not something I would wish to discuss. A few years ago I also developed a crippling lack of belief in my ability to do my job, which was not borne out by the perceptions of others. In truth I did not expect Steve to be able to eradicate my obsession, although I tried very hard to be open minded about the therapies he proposed. However, after just a single session with Steve lasting about an hour and a half, I was free of the destructive thought patterns that I had struggled with all my life, and I am also confident again about my abilities in my professional life. I cannot describe how wonderful it is to be free of an obsessional and irrational fear. I feel so much more positive about my future, whatever it brings, and I can be happy, which was not really possible before. AB.
I have suffered from anxiety issues for as long as I can remember, but this time last year things got completely out of hand as the anxiety started to take over my life and resulted in me having to leave work. I had overloaded myself with the demands of work and home life and reached a point where I was unable to function normally. I suffered from panic attacks, low self esteem and constant physical symptoms of anxiety. Unable to cope with day to day life I was put in contact with Steve in order to try to move forward with my situation. After just one hour and a half session with Steve, I can honestly say that I immediately started to feel better. It was like a huge weight had been lifted. From the next day I felt like a different person. I can distinctly remember going to meet a friend for lunch and shopping the next day, something I could not have done prior to seeing Steve, and having a completely normal experience. It is also reassuring that Steve is contactable by phone and willing to give further guidance in this way. I have recently returned to work, something I never thought was possible last year, and I continue to move forward.